A Serious Man

A Serious Man, the latest Coen Brothers experience, is a difficult movie to rebrew. I should probably just start off by saying that I think this is an incredible film. I absolutely loved every minute, from the driving bass line of Jefferson Airplane's "Somebody to Love" in the opening credits to the whirling special effects of a tornado at the end. It was great.

But...

I say that not only as a huge fan of the Coens, but also as a huge fan of cinema in general. I can see how some would find this film boring, even pointless. It uses quite simple cinematography, beautiful though it is. And frankly, you have to pay attention to the script, because while it is very subtle, it is hilarious.

Based on the Book of Job from the Old Testament, it's hard to imagine Serious Man being at all funny, but if you know the Coen Brothers, then you can trust that even the darkest situation has its comedic element and that it will probably be played out somehow. This movie delivers.

It's not too long, so if you think you're up to it, sit down and watch this, because it is definitely worth a view.

6/6 from me.

Dead Snow

What does one write about a zombie-flick? Are they all the same? Are they all generic (if you can say that about any movie about the living dead eating the flesh of the living alive)? Are they all retarded (which some, even some that I know, would say about any movie about the living dead eating the flesh of the living alive)? The answer, in this humble Re-Brewer's opinion, is NO.

Zombie movies kick ass man! In film history, there is only one zombie movie to date that I have seen that I didn't like, and that was the remake of Day of the Dead with Mena Suvariand Nick Cannon (that's right, Mr. Mariah Carey himself... they give him a spear). That movie didn't even take place in the day. But putting all the garbage aside, I love a good zombie flick. Beyond that, if you check out my top ten lists of 2009 and 2008 you'll notice that World War 2 flicks topped the chart both years. In 2008, Valkyrie took the cake, and in 2009, Tarantino rocked my world by introducing me to his Inglourious Basterds. So, you combine WWII with zombies and what do you get? Apparently, you get Dead Snow.

That being said, let's just get it out of the way that yes, Dead Snow is a cheesy, B-level zombie movie, and if any of you aren't into that, then don't see this. For me personally, horror/violence/zombies are done at their best when they're at their cheesy, B-level states.

I was disappointed by Dead Snow for these reasons:

1. It didn't actually take place in World War 2, the zombies have just survived their curses from then til today.
   
2. Really lame soundtrack, think Swedish Nickelback


3. Like most modern zombie movies, they changed the zombie folklore

Now, the time frame situation doesn't bother me that much, but I still think it'd be pretty freakin' sweet to have a movie taking place during WWII! Imagine the chaos! Brain hungry creatures limping around the beaches of Normandy during the D-Day Invasion? Wow, that'd be a zombie movie. But alas, I must wait...

The soundtrack basically sounded like it was played by bands who were friends with the director, but hey, this movie was clearly not made for much money so what're ya gonna do? For me it didn't match, but it clearly works for someone. I know a number of Europeans and most of them seem to be into that kinda music, maybe that had something to do with it. Maybe not...

Here's the thing I really hated: zombie bites in Dead Snow don't turn people into zombies. Of all the things I've seen changed in a zombie movie (running zombies in 28 Days Later which actually is also in this, vegetarian zombies in Day of the Dead), this has been my least favorite. Having said that, they did manage to have a hilarious scene where a dude thinking he was going to turn into a zombie after being bitten cut off his own arm with a chainsaw, cleansed it by lighting a gasoline fire on a dead Nazi, only to have his dick bitten off immediately thereafter.

The B-movie effects were aplenty and I loved it. There's of course the one awesome guy that everybody looks up to who drives a snowmobile and prefers his solitude (he gets ripped into five pieces). There's the movie geek who quotes Temple of Doom and gets laid in a port-a-potty. One chick survives a fall of a few hundred feet and then gets swiped with an axe to the neck by her own boyfriend. All of it wonderful.

And let me just say this... A Zombie Movie that's not in English but rather a badass sounding language like Swedish... mint.

4.5/6 for me!

My Top 10 of 2009

10. I Love You, Man - 5.5/6

9. Crossing Over - 5.5/6

8. Star Trek - 5.5/6

7. The Hurt Locker - 5.5/6

6. Fantastic Mr. Fox - 6/6 5. Up - 6/6 4. A Serious Man - 6/6 3. Up In The Air - 6/6
2. Sherlock Holmes - 6/6

1. Inglourious Basterds - 6/6

What's Up?

Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel that has been this very much mediocre summer of cinema. Well, actually, this movie came out in May...

Finally, a light at the beginning of the tunnel that has been this very much mediocre summer of cinema.

That doesn't really work.

Man, thank God for this light that was at the beginning of the dark tunnel that has been this very much mediocre summer of cinema. That'll work.

I'm not even gonna list 'em, but let's face it. Movies this summer have not been up to their regular summer blockbuster excellence. Transformers, Terminator and even G.I. Joe couldn't make themselves worth the money for the ticket. Need I mention that only one of those three weren't sequels? Yeesh.

It's never a surprise these days when a younder audience's flick makes huge bank, because let's face it, kids have time on their hands and don't have to worry about paying for the ticket, so there's none of the skepticism so common amongst the more mature beings that we refer to ourselves as being. I wish I was my age but still a kid at the same time. Life would be sweet. You could sleep in, play XBox for hours, hit the playground with a reliable juice box in hand (probably apple flavouring), and end the day with a viewing of Up, the new Pixar flick.

By now, if you're reading this, you've seen this movie, so I don't have to waste your time with an explanation, and if you haven't seen it you must be dead and reading this, and in that case, you should visit your local church for a quick exorcism. This article is going everywhere, I apologize.

This is great flick, and gets two thumbs UP from me, and 6/6 bottles.

Harry Potter & the Half-Good Film

You know you're desperate to see a movie when you pay to see a Harry Potter flick in theatres. I'll be honest, I don't hate the flicks, I just don't like being one of three adults in the theatre either. But with Public Enemies delayed release to theatres in Hong Kong, I didn't really have any other choice, so HP6 is what I peeped.

Although to say I actually saw anything would be kind of a lie. NOTHING happens in this movie. It is so damn uneventful that it blew me away. I could have told the story of this two and a half our movie in 15 minutes... easily. I really don't feel like that's being arrogant, but so much of what happens in this movie is unimportant. The Potions book thing belonging to the "Half-Blood Prince," I don't get why it was in there, other than the fact that it caused Harry to perform a crazy violent act on that very Nazi-esque looking enemy of his, thus revealing a possible dark side to our hero. But seriously, the story really had nothing to do with the book, so what was the point? Not to mention all these teenaged hormones getting thrown around left, right and center, causing girls to cry and boys to be emo and lame.

Speaking of which, I can't think of more awkward flirty moments in a movie than the ones that were in these ones; like Hermione always panicking in front of Ron (Ya I know their names, leave me alone) when she has toothpaste or beer on her lips... actually come to think of it they played that joke out a lot. Or the whole Ginny feeding Harry? That like... embodies awkwardness. And then she ties his shoes! Tie your own shoes Harry! I thought you were The Chosen One! Can't even tie your shoes? So much for saving the world...

But you know, at the same time, this wasn't a terrible movie. It had some excellent qualities. For one thing, I think it was the funniest of all the HP movies I've seen. The liquid luck scenes in particular where Harry is constantly giving Jim Broadbent(who is always brilliant)'s character a hard time are especially funny. And the closing scenes with the mourning of Dumbledore was pretty moving, but don't tell anyone I said that.

The cinematography of the flick was really cool too, done by one Bruce Delbonnel, who actually just rocked his first Harry Potter film, and rocked it indeed. I thought it looked great.

Broadbent and Michael Gambon were the acting prominents of the movie in my opinion. I hate saying whether or not the kids were good or bad because who actually knows? They were like 10 when they started these, and how often do you get a 10 year old who blows your mind on-screen? Not often, so I guess they're consistent. Who knows? Maybe one day they'll do something really exceptional, win an Oscar, and HP will be nothing but a magical memory for all of them. Probably not. Daniel Radcliffe, the one and only Harry Potter himself, was hilarious on Extras though.

Fans of the books probably hate this movie. Fans of the movies probably love this movie, or hate it. It kinda goes both ways. Like a pendulum. But because I don't re-watch or re-read the Harry Potter adventures often or ever, it's hard for me to keep up. This movie makes the mistake of thinking that everyone who sees it will remember exactly what happened in the last one. I didn't, couldn't. Maybe it's my mistake, but in my books it still loses some points for that.

I give Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince 3.5/6, so I guess I'm just gonna let it keep swingin'.

P.S. - Apparently this movie just broke like every box-office record ever. The fans have spoken. What side did they choose?

Judgment Day for the Terminators

Because Terminator Salvation was such a letdown and because it was followed by Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, an even worse and harsher and bigger letdown/piece of shit, I felt the need to review something good. However, I am currently living in Hong Kong, where movies are released up to months later than they are in Canada, and so Transformers 2 is still the hot movie in theatres. Boo-urns. And so I busted out my Terminator trilogy, watched them, and will now review them, because they kick ass.

Yes, even the third one! Screw you!

But then again, what can honestly be said about these movies? They're landmarks, trademarks and filled with skidmarks, the on-road kind, not the in-underwear so often discovered in 12 year old boys laundry hampers. These flicks set the scale for robot/sci-fi, using both symbolism and thriller aspects in order to breakaway from the straight out action style of so many futuristic movies you see nowadays. See Terminator Salvation for the most recent example of this.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, who would one day become Governor of California and subsequently run it financially into the sewer, stars as the T-800, and damn, he never fails to be awesome. There's just something about hanging out with a humanoidic robot that basically won't die and kicks so much ass that seems cool to me. John Connor was the luckiest 12 year old in the world. Well, and also the most unfortunate I guess, but still.
Of course, in the first one, the T-800 is the bad guy and John Connor isn't alive, but The Terminator really broke the genre when it was released. There's something about that James Cameron touch I guess. Schwarzengger's villain became as equally feared among my generation growing up as Darth Vader, Jack Nicholson's Joker, and Jaws. Personally, I think it was because it was a movie about the future that took place today. Well, like 25 years ago now, but you get the idea.
Then came T2: Judgment Day. You know, I've seriously never met anyone who didn't like this movie. Easily in the top action films of all time. It is so innovative, so exhilarating, and so incredibly filmed. The acting on all ends is great, my personal favorite being the psychologist who later cameos in T3. But most importantly I think, is the way that this movie took its predecessor's villain, made him a hero like so many movies had done before it, but actually made it believable. I truly bought and continue to buy that the T-800 was now sent back in time by John Connor in order to protect John Connor from the T-1000, an even more dangerous Terminator. I loved how the dude who played the T-1000 is like a pansy compared to Arnie, and yet the whole movie you can buy that Arnie's ass is totally getting whooped. The R-rated violence is appropriate and works because of the depth of the film. With such serious content matter as the end of the world, a little gratuitous violence is simply expected. Judgment Day is the action film that got everything right.
T3: Rise of the Machines, in no way as good as the first two, is still a pretty great film. What it lacks is this: use of the amazing score that the first two and even Salvation incorporated, the opening title sequence that again, even Salvation incorporated, and a villain worth being afraid of. Terminatrix? Come on, that's stupid, and so was she. But let me offer this; the action in this movie is terrific, equalling the other two in my opinion. When the huge semi goes full-speed, face first into the pavement? Amazing. Two helicopter crashes into the same building? So awesome. So yes, the third one, like Return of the Jedi, Spider-Man 3, and Back to the Future 3, did not live up to the quality of the first two, and in fact, many would argue that the second installment of each of these series is the best. I would agree except for Back to the Future, first one all the way. So give Rise of the Machines a break, it's simply just not that bad.

The Terminator Series is and will continue to be an important trilogy in the movie making world because frankly, there's never going to be another series like it or as good as it in its genre. Many have tried and will continue to try to copy it, but they'll fail. Terminator did what all time travel movies want to do: actually make sense. When they try to change the future, they actually do. And when something destined to happen changes, it still happens. This is what movies about time travel are meant to be like, because it actually makes sense to the viewer. This series also works because they change the future and travel through time by barely showing you the future or the changes made in the past. Because of this, Terminator remains a believable albeit ridiculous idea.

Hasta La Vista Baby

Fallen Indeed

I'm bummed right out...

Do you ever just get that ridiculous, insane, can't help but wanna scream excitement about a movie about to be released? Me too! I get that excitement too! Seriously I d-... oh, you don't actually get it? Well I do.

And I had that excitement for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Not because I LOVED the first one or anything, in fact, besides the great action I thought the first Transformers was kinda weak. But Revenge looked great! It looked like it was going to be non-stop action, and like a ton of new awesome characters were gonna be introduced... man, I couldn't help but get that ridiculous, insance, can't help but wanna scream excitement over this flick.

Holy Shit did that ever fade fast!

I seriously, don't know where to begin other than at the beginning, in which the first 15 minutes of this flick introduce a plethora of new characters who are subsequently NEVER used again! Arcee, from the cartoon showed up, and she has like two lines! And there are three of her! Three! And then Sideswipe, probably the coolest character I'd seen yet, had ONE action scene! In the first 15 minutes! He gets one line, one action scene, and one glance, and then he's gone!

!

But of course, what better new characters to keep around then the annoying, comic but not funny relief that were the Autobot Twins, the Mexican coward of a roommate who gets tazered twice, and the hot college chick who is actually a Decepticon who tries to kill Shia LaBeouf with her tongue! Garbagio.

There was great action, really great action, but so much in this movie made no sense at all. For instance, when the Decepticons would fly in from space and land literally right next to someone, the person wouldn't even notice, and they didn't always make craters like the rest of them did. That makes no sense at all. One even lands on a frigate, and doesn't even dent the boat. There were all of these new characters like I mentioned who would suddenly just disappear, and sometimes there would be characters in massive action sequences and then they would just suddenly disappear too! No explanation, just not in the movie anymore! This happens with the Stupid Twins, the retarded roommate, and the Constructicon, who by the way, should have been awesome, but dies after getting shot once!

All your favorites from the first movie aren't used nearly as much as the posters and ad campaigns make it seem, and even Bumblebee was cut from a lot of this flick! Bumblebee? He's like the cornerstone of Transformers next to Optimus Prime!
Speaking of Optimus, did I mention his anti-climactic final battle where he defeats all three of the main villains, i.e. The Fallen, Megatron and Starscream in like 2 minutes and barely even gets hurt! So stupid, they built these three up so much and then brought them down so easily and quickly! GAH!

To top it all off, it ends with this thing of Cybertronic ghosts appearing to save both Shia's life and Optimus' life, and it comes out of the blue, is so stupid... like seriously, what were they thinking? They actually had a lot of really awesome story opportunities, but then they wouldn't pursue them and instead would focus on something really important like whether or not Sam should say I love you to his girlfriend, which it takes literally dying to do. Waste of time, just like the rest of this movie.

Literally the only thing worth watching was the CGI and the action that went along with it, and I still shiver when Optimus talks, but then they don't even give him a proper closing speech like he deserves! Instead he gets two sentences! You can't end a Transformers movie like that!

It finishes, as you can probably now assume, with no explanation of anything. The first movie closed itself off pretty nicely, this movie, no explanation of anyt event whatsoever. It just ends. And remember those funny little clips in between the credits? Those are back, but they're stupid as anything I've ever seen in cinema. What a terrible movie.

I give this movie 1.5/6, earning its 1.5 only for the action and CGI. Thanks you SO much Michael Bay, for ruining yet another potential-worthy flick.